Through Violet Eyes
by Mongoose2
Summary: Duo accidentily leads OZ troops to destroy a colony. Blaming himself and feeling powerless he turns to self-detonation, but before he presses the button he sends a farewell message to Heero, will Heero prevent Duo's suicide in time?1x2


Title: Through Violet Eyes  
  
By: Mongoose  
  
Date: 11/3/00, draft 1#  
  
Topic: GW  
  
Category: Alternate universe, comedy, angst.  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai, strong 1+2 stuff. And 3+4 very subtly implied (only if you're looking for it )Angst, Alternate Universe, fluff, sap, OOC, self-detonation attempt, curse words, and I kinda hate on Catherine in this fic. That's about all.  
  
  
  
Author's note: Well, this is the first part of my first, actually finished, but in need of tipping, fic. I am very bad at checking grammar and spelling, so if you see anything please tell me. Nothing is too petty. C&C please! Have pity though, after all it is* my first fic. I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it.  
  
  
  
Setting: This takes place when Duo went to talk to Trowa and found out about his amnesia, but in my alternate universe fic he is staying with Trowa. Some OZ soldiers followed him and had some Taurus's attack the colony, basically destroying most of it to the point that it can't be repaired. All the survivors were evacuated and now only the circus is left. OZ has decided there attached to the rebels and has named them enemies. Duo has promised to escort them out, then self-detonate, though he didn't tell anyone that. It's from Duo POV.  
  
  
  
I sat on the grass, wet with colony-simulated due, and watched the first light of dawn peak though the colony sky-light over the hill many miles away from the one I sat on. I watched it wash over the colony bellow. The light was sweeping over it like a calm, gentle wave. It turned everything golden.... Golden wreckage ....of one of the colonies in the L3 cluster....And all because I had come looking for Trowa. Trowa, who had his memory happily erased while he was floating through space. He didn't have to remember all the horrible things he'd done. I did though. And this colony, the buildings falling every witch way and some spots where there was nothing but a big empty hole, that if you looked down into you could see the twisted metal wall between cold, merciless space and the colony. This colony filled with nothing but dust and a stay car or two filling the empty streets, was on my list of things I'd rather suffer amnesia then have to remember. It was all my fault. If I hadn't come looking for Trowa none of this would have happened. None of it...God I felt awful… and jealous… and angry at Trowa, because he didn't have to remember  
  
No. I shouldn't think of it that way. Quatre would say "That's not right to be angry at Trowa for a decision of mine that he took no part in. It's all my fault he can't remember" Besides, Trowa was still pretty bad off. He would start shivering and rambling on about how cold it was sometimes. I think he was seeing scenes from the past, but I couldn't be sure. I could still appreciate the morning, though, even this far from earth. The civilians had all been evacuated(those that were alive anyway). And now Trowa, Catherine and the rest of the circus were leaving too. Catherine who would rarely let me near Tro, because she was so scared that he'd go off and fight OZ again. It was sad, really. It made me fell like an enemy, though.  
  
I felt like an empty hole that only got deeper and darker the farther you fell into it, and I was being dragged into that deepest part. One, big, light sucking, black hole. Could I do nothing to stop this war? Isn't that what I've been trying to do half my horrid life? Was it all just pointless? Would I end up being killed by some mobile doll and that would be the end of it?  
  
The circus, Trowa, Catharine, they were all leaving...but me. I was staying to wait for the jerks that followed me here to come back and blow this now useless colony up(useless thanks to them). They thought that that way they could take the smaller pieces to be scrapped, and probably made into even more mobile dolls. Those bastards probably thought they were doing a good deed by "recycling" the colony. Well they had another thing coming. I would wait until they were all inside the colony, setting the bombs...and then I would self-destruct!... Just like Heero. Humph. But for now I could enjoy the sunrise.  
  
Quatre would be angry if he knew what I was planning to do. I don't really know the other guys enough to know what they'd think. Heero? I'm going down just like Heero tried to. Would Heero care if he new I planned to self-detonate? And do it successfully at that. Would he even blink when he heard the news. Probably not. Why did I care if such a homicidal, bastard like Heero gave a shit if I snuffed it? Shoot, I was once told by the best friend I ever had (solo) that "if they don't like ya' fuck 'em" Why did I care so much then? I sighed.  
  
Maybe I could just spend the whole day here, watching the beautiful sun. SLAT! A huge rain drop from the automatic sprinkler ,installed to provide water to the wild plants and animals hit my forehead and shattered the moment. To think of all the things that would survive the battle I would have never thought the sprinklers would. Ironic isn't it? There weren't anymore plants left to absorb the water, except for the grass I was sitting on. Oh well. I needed to say goodbye to Trowa and the circus anyway. Not that I was going to tell them about my plan. O~~h no. I wasn't about to screw up Tro's new life. No way. Beside, I think I would be tempted to punch that bitch, Catherine if she said something along the lines of "Good. Then you won't be able to hurt my Trowa anymore," if she had heard I was going to self-destruct. I mean I was risking my life, night and day to get them safely outa here. Heero would have just ignored her and gotten them outa here long before now. He would have just left all the circus animals instead of finding another carrier like I did. But I couldn't let Trowa's little lions get fried, now could I?  
  
So there I was running back through the rain to Tro's trailer and hoping Catherines wasn't there. She wasn't. As I slammed the door only a quiet "Hello" from Trowa was to be heard. He was sitting at the tiny table near the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. I sat down across from him. "Trowa", I started. " Please don't try to remember 'cause' ...I do, and trust me, *you* don't want to." OK. It was bad. What can I say? I was only trying to help. "....Yes I do." That was the first time I think I've ever heard Tro say something when he wasn't asked a direct question sense his amnesia. And he actually disagreed with me. The whole time I'd been here it's been "Yes Catherine" and "Right away sis". Progress...If you didn't count the fact that he had n~~~~o idea what he was talking about. "Look man, the things I've seen and I'm sure you've-" He cute me off mid sentence. "Yes I do." He repeated. He actually interrupted me, would the wonders never stop?. Then he elaborated "I -I...have something I must* do....I-I-I... Have someone I must forgive". I nodded. I understood that. Quatre. He was talking about Quatre. I wondered just how much he remembered. Trowa could forgive Quatre, but could Quatre forgive himself? Quatre was such a nice guy. I hoped those two got things worked out. But… I'd never know...would I? Heero what would you do? Wait a minute! Why did I care what Heero would do? Trowa must have sensed the conflict in those violet eyes of mine, because he said "Planning on staying, are you?" I looked up and realized I'd been staring at my shoes. I sighed again. A mind reader. Great. Then Trowa said something that sounded oddly...I don't know...familiar. " Someone once told me 'the only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions', yet he didn't understand his. I wish I could remember who said it...but it seems to me that you know your emotions but are concerned about other's feelings. I too am like this. I want to know my past, and to fight, but don't want to hurt Catherine". Today must of been one of those days when the coffee bean monitor on the 0082 colony malfunctioned and put to much caffeine in, because I've *never*(not ever before his amnesia) heard Trowa say that many words at a Time[1]. Wow. I had competition now. Fun...well not for long. I nodded "yeah", was all I said. I must of had the second batch of that coffee where they forgot to put "side effects may include drowsiness", on the package "due to accidental dose of anesthesia", Because I have never said so little in one go before or after this day. Honestly, can a person get any descent space made coffee these days? See what happens when you focus on armaments rather than improving living conditions? Maybe that's why Quatre was always drinking tea. Who knows? "No one cares about me. Not the colonies, not the other gundams, no one." I said flatly. "And if they did they'd be better off with me dead anyway. No one lives long with shinigami as their friend.". "Oh yeah?", was Trowa's only comment.  
  
OK. So either something Tro said or something in that damn coffee made me do, what seemed to be very stupid at the time, and turned out to be the most fulfilling thing in my entire life,....I called Heero.  
  
I didn't know why I wanted to tell someone I was going to self-destruct and why of all people I choose Heero. / Just the most understanding person I know. Right. Yeah, maybe if you compare his personality to that of a rabid dog's. Heh. Re~~~al good choice Duo/ I also had no plan on what I wanted to say to him. I had the number to his long distance com-link memorized. I don't know why. It just stuck in my brain I guess.  
  
And so I dialed the code and waited. It would be a while before he received the transmission / Since he's so far away...so far.... it'll take him even longer to respond, especially once he saw it wasn't some order from Dr. J. Just a stupid message from that baka Duo./  
  
In that time I talked to Deathsyth Hell. I loved talking to him, he always listens and never interrupts and if you listen real hard you can get a reply if you want one bad enough. "Will I be making the right decision if I go through with this?" I asked allowed. I sensed rather then heard the answer. / "Everything Dies. Things die when they are no longer functional at what they are meant to do. Are you still functional?" / I nodded. / It was true. I was no long functional. Was I ever? I come looking for Trowa (which was never part of the mission) and end up get the colonists and their homes destroyed. My mission was to defend those things and I had destroyed them. I had failed. I can't live with my own failure or with the damn horrors of this god cursed war./ " I have failed you shinigami... Take me shinigami, as I have taken so many others, so I may meet my fate at your doors." I cried allowed. There was the beep, beep, beep of a transmission return signal. / So soon?/ I wondered. I pressed a little button and a picture of Heero's cold, expressionless face appeared. " What is it Duo?", husky voice asked curtly. "I...I-I called to say goodbye. I just wanted to...see your face once more...once more... before I...Self-destructed..." I trailed off, at a total loss for words at seeing his beautiful face./why?/ I asked myself. "Beautiful" I mumbled incoherently "Duo...?", in the silence that followed Heero's brow nit together more then it usually was. /And I though that wasn't possible. Guess I was wrong./ "DUO!?", He said, louder this time. "B-bye Heero..." "NANI! DUO WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU-", Beep! I broke the com's link with the push of a button. /And you thought changing the canales was hard? Heh, Yeah right./ It had to fight every nerve in my body to push that button, /Why?/ I wondered again.  
  
"Duo, were leaving. Can you come support us?" / No time to think about that. I have to go deal with her and get the rest of the circus and Trowa outa here./  
  
There were Taurus Mobile Doll every where. / I guess they really are intent on blowing me up with the colony. They aren't going to let me call "check please" on them, that's for sure... of course I have not intention of that, but hay, it's their loss not mine. / I also guessed they thought anything coming out of the colony at this point was an enemy. So they attacked me and the circus' carriers.  
  
I have to admit, it was hard. I still hadn't had a chance to finish upgrading Deahtsyth Hell /... and to think I'll be destroying it before its even finished./ Smash! Chop! Hack! Cute! Slice! Thrust! Block! Dodge! I don't know how long I was there, on one of my rampages, but all I know was that when they'd sent out their last back up troops to hinder me with while the manned mobile suits went to set the bombs in the colony, three Taurus's broke off and headed for the three carriers that held the circus. /NO!/ they were cutting me off from the carriers. /No!/ I couldn't get to them! /NO!/ I couldn't reach them! Slash! /Too many!/ Block! /NOOOO!/  
  
Trowa, I know, would have gone and fought, but there were no mobile suits on board, nor were there any air ships with guns. So there was no help there.  
  
Just as the Taurus's raised their beam canons (now that the carrier's were in rang) and all hope was lost for Trowa and the entire circus... A blinding yellow light washed over the three Taurus's and reduced them to scrap in the blink of an eye. I had only seen one thing do that much damage in one shot; a buster rifle! Not just any beam canon can do that. And there's only one Gundam pilot I know that's got on of those to outfit his suit with. /Heero! Oh, god why did he come?! Why didn't I use my talent and make it hard for him to trace the transmission here? (Not that that would stop the perfect soldier. Oh on. Not him)./ Maybe it had something to do with the fact that somewhere deep, deep inside me, I wanted him to come. /... Come and save me Heero... From myself./  
  
Well, Heero did come and that's just about the long and short of that battle. Between the two of us we just about had that battle won. That's when I saw my chance. While Heero went after the last unit I turned around and zoomed towards the colony. I knew Heero could handle the last unit, but he also couldn't let them go either, because that would endanger the circus. And so he would have no choice but to fight them.  
  
I carved my way through the gate, and, sure enough, there were Taurus's setting bombs. A lot of Taurus's too.  
  
Apparently all the cowardly ones had fled back here, leaving the mobile dolls to deal with Heero , and were 'helping' the technicians[2]. I could blow up right here in the center of the colony. It would start a chain reaction and set off the bombs for good measure. The circus was far enough away now that it and Heero wouldn't be caught in the explosion. But it would certainly eliminate every doll, suit, and carrier any closer then the circus was.  
  
I had the self-destruct devise in my hand when Heeor's face appeared on the screen of Deathsyth Hell.  
  
"Duo, I love you"  
  
Heero said it all very fast, as he'd had a hard time getting it out of his mouth, and then it had finally tumbled out from his lips. My hand trembled and dropped the self-destruct devise, which clattered the long way to the ground far bellow. My mind was completely numb. I had no idea what to think. Not knowing what else to do, and I wanted to something, anything! I typed a few keys so I could see the action from Heero's screen…  
  
The last few Taurus's were being demolished and the remaining ones flew back to support the bomb squad. Trowa and the whole circus were safe now. My mission now was to destroy the bomb squad. /…but I don't want to die…not now that.../ I sat there and watched the screen. I could see the colony looming up huge ahead of Wing. /No! Heero couldn't come here! Even if I didn't self-detonate, the bomb would. What if all those mobile dolls were too much for Heero? What if…?/ my mind jumped from one of Heero's possible deaths to another. Meanwhile, Heero Heero cut and hacked through their defense line. He sliced through the colony's left gate (which had been closed in an attempt to slow him down) and soured though the tunnel. Then I saw my own gundam and my sitting in the pilot's seat, staring at the screen. I removed my eyes from the screen, now that Heero was close enough for me to see with my own two eyes. His gundam braked sharply and the hatch flew open. When I saw the pain and worry on Heero's face, or maybe it was just his face itself, I fell from the cockpit the long way to the ground. I took the fall on my feet…hands and knees, so I was alright…physically that is. I curled my feel under me and propped my elbows on my sore knees, resting my head in my hands, I began to cry.  
  
Heero lowered himself down from Wings cockpit on a cable and jumped the last couple of yard down. He hit the ground running and was soon sinking to his knees beside me. He put his arms around me and just held me. I sat there a few minutes, in that warm, firm embrace. He was holding my so tightly I could hardly breath. As if he thought I would disappear if he let go. It was comforting. So very vary solid and real he felt… We both stood up and broke the moment at the same time. I wiped my teary eyes on my hand and looked up at Heero, for the first time I looked at him as if he were a human being. No, I guess, he's not a 'mecha' as I had often teasingly called him. He was human too…no...More them human, he was an angel. Our eyes met. His cobalt blue and my violet. The relief I saw in those pools of blue was almost tangible. Then Heero looked away, as if he were ashamed or something. "…I'm sorry…", He whispered. I put me hands on his upper arms and shook gently, saying, "Heero, look at me." Heero's eyes turned reluctantly towards mine. His expression was that of a dog that had been kicked one too many times, but a tiny spark of hope was also visible. I pulled him towards me, putting one arm around his waist, the other around his neck, reassuring him, telling him without words I would never leave him. Never, ever do anything like that pathetic self- destruction attempt again. My eyes filled with tear of joy instead if sorrow. He pulled away a few inches so our noses were almost touching, studying my face, trying to decide if I were sincere or not. "I love you." He said again. I tried to speak but found no words. I guess words weren't needed for him to see how I felt. For I did love him, more then anything else, a pity it took my near death for both of us to realize it.  
  
Then he kissed me. It felt like the fresh running water of a mountain stream, yet at the same time it felt like liquid fire was running down my throat. I let it wash away all my pain and guilt like an ocean tide. He pulled away at last and looked at my sternly, "The bomb squad is almost done. We must leave now." I nodded, and for once said nothing. We turned and walked away from each other, both of us heading towards our gundams. Neither of us looked back, for we knew this was not a goodbye but a reunion.  
  
We both new it was too dangerous to mess with the bomb squad and their pitiful Leo's, because we ran the risk of setting off the bombs, and they couldn't mess with us for the same reason. There were no Taurus's left outside so we left through one of the gates. We were both spiraling patterns around each other with the light of our engines. Then we made a sharp turn and flew off in opposite directions, knowing that we would see each other again, in the field of battle or the land of the dead. "I'll never do that again Heero… I'll never die without you…" I whispered to empty space. I thought I heard a distant "hn" from the com link, but it was probably just my imagination….  
  
THE END! ^_^  
  
Jan ne minna-san! Tell me what you think (or if you find any spelling mistakes) at demonangel600@comcast.net  
  
1. I don't even know where the coffee thing started, I must have been on some caffeine myself that night I wrote it.  
  
2. Speaking as a techie (technician) of a theater company, trust me minna, when one of the actors gets off they're ass and actually does try and help for once, you'd wish they hadn't. It's pathetic, really. 


End file.
